I <3 Online Dating
If you're new to dating or want to refine the way you date then this article is for you!
It’s also Part 1 of 3, so there’s more fun to come ;)
Like a lot of women, I started online dating with an “I hope they like me” approach.
Quickly limited by this angle, I switched to power play mode
Asking more questions before meeting people, wasted less of my time. Some would say it’s quite Aries of me to turn the dating process into an interview but I don’t mind taking the conversational lead if it saves me time!
In just 2ish years of online dating, I would say the biggest difference I notice between people who love and those who loathe dating is MINDSET. A lot of people date in a goal oriented way which inevitably leads to disappointment.
Just like you wouldn’t expect abs after one set of sit ups- don’t expect every date to lead to a relationship.
Stay curious and see the process more like an adventure than a goal oriented chore.
Release any sense of urgency, there’s no rush. Rushing leads you to project unfairly on people before getting to know them.
Accept that It’s highly possible you still have a lot to learn about yourself. You may not even have the relational skills needed to attract your ideal partner yet. So see dating as a learning process where you will sharpen your communication skills, intuition and much more! This attitude highlights your gains even if a relationship fades ;)
Get clear on what type of relationships you are interested in entertaining.
Know what qualities/values you want these people to have.
A simple way to know is to make a list with 2 columns. On the left, what you loved about your ex’s (green flags) and on the right, what you hated (red flags)! Tada!
Bonus points if you highlight what’s non negotiable ;)
It’s also normal that you may be open to different types of relationships and have different needs from each one. For a casual hook up, you might just need attraction and safe sex practices. Where as for a steady date partner, you might want to have shared values, interests or activities. It’s all for you to define. But do take the time to get clear so you know what you're looking for. Going with the flow is not a true relationship style, it’s a passive stance that gets passive results.
If you found this article about dating Mindset helpful, hang tight for the second part which will be all about refinding your approach! It will help you figure out what questions to ask to filter for the best results. But first get to defining your needs and we’ll talk in a few weeks ;)
