Unraveling

Right there in M4 burrito, emotions erupted from my gut and seeped out of my eyes.
This break up had me questioning and distrusting my body, how could something that felt so right be wrong?

She held my hand and saw me through, I hadn’t expected to cry today but I told her how confusing it is and how vulnerable I feel to love again. For once my gut felt grounded and my heart so open, my body felt safe with him and yet still the relationship came to an end?

How do I trust my gut going forward when the safety, trust and openness I felt does not mean what I thought it did?

I don’t know who said it first but, the truth is my gut wasn’t wrong at all.
Our bodies know what our heads could never.

Our hearts knew we would rewrite the scripts previously complicated by past lovers.
We aren’t as complicated nor hard to love as we’ve felt before. Both beautiful pieces of work, worthy and deserving of true love and belonging.

At the most basic level, the way he loved me and still does, makes me love myself more. That self love transformed to self acceptance and now has me honouring my once buried truths.

We learned so much about ourselves together, much more then we could have learned alone.

Nothing about the feeling of safety was untrue, in fact the tears that came out as I said “I’m not sure I trust my body to know anymore”. Instantly registered that in fact, my body was yearning to be thanked. I loved with my head before and now I’ve loved from my heart and honestly, I will choose the latter again and again.

I now know to trust my body, my heart and my gut because she knew and she knows much more then I do. I will follow her excitement and trust her curiosity...

I will let her guide me to places unknown because I know now that I do not know what I want, but my body knows who it needs to continue the process of unraveling.