Tapping In
I was full of joy, dancing my heart out on the fine line between excitement and anxiety when I realized that THIS is it, this is what I want from life! I actually missed feeling this pumped, it had been a while since I felt full body motivation but why had it been so long?
There is a definite fine line between doing too much and doing too little for me. Too much leaves me anxious, stressed and disassociated, but too little puts me in existential crisis spirals where I wonder what the point of anything is.
Thinking more about it, I realize how often I self prescribe toning the fuck down. Toning down my to do list, my productivity even goals to feel more normal and “balanced”. I often coax myself into trying the average form of chill…Netflix. But every time I am left feeling very meh. Same goes with vacations, I often struggle with what the purpose is…Sure sometimes I do need to relax and remove myself from work to see the bigger picture but I also don’t want to fully escape my life. I like my life.
Solely enjoying life without creating anything confuses me!
Is it that I don’t like relaxing? No, of course I do! I just think I enjoy more active forms of relaxation vs passive forms. Example, if I am stressed I love cleaning, dancing, stretching, reading outside, chatting with a friend or just laying the fuck down with no sounds. Sometimes I’ll just listen to a meditation on my Chani App or an astro reading.
I guess my favourite ways to relax are actually ways for me to Tap IN vs Tap out. Perhaps the societal norms of relaxing feel like ways to tap out. Get out, go vacation, leave “reality”, zone out, get fucked blah blah…
Tapping out of myself, my life, my body, my stress never fucking works actually.
Tapping in to myself when I do get stressed/overwhelmed seems like the only way that leaves me feeling refreshed.
Anyways, here’s to trying to balance on the fine line between doing too much and doing too little! Just enough to excite me about the future, but not so much that I feel overwhelmed with no me time!
