Insatiable

How can a love that felt so good & so right still not be enough?
I ask myself too many questions,
Questions I’m not ready to answer,
Just like I did then, I still do now,
But the fact remains that I want more,
I need More More More,
Always chasing more I wonder if I am greedy,
Not willing to compromise even?
Is that such a terrible trait?

Am I so used to being grateful for what I’m given that I am uncomfortable admitting when someone or something is not enough?

Was he not enough or am I insatiable?
How can I love so deeply and still feel it’s not right?
Is any love right?
Was I lying to myself ?

It’s true there were some undesirable traits but we’re all flawed,
Where is the line between acceptance and denial?
Am I greedy or selfish to want it all and then some?
Or do I just know what I want?
No one told me that knowing what i want would hurt,
This feels like my heart is being ripped out and it’s hard to breath,
How can we love someone so deeply who isn’t the one?
Is ending on a good note still being in love?
Because it doesn’t feel good,
it sucks.

I feel so vulnerable, like my skin is ripped off and there I am,
Unhidden, fully visible,
In the flesh for everyone to see that I want more, need more,
and am not willing to compromise anything,
not now, maybe not ever,
So much so that I need to accept that my best love yet wasn’t it.

So much fear was coming up and I thought,
Maybe it’s because I don’t feel I deserve it,
Or I am scared to lose it,
But I see now that my fear and confusion was trying to tell me,
That it is not safe to keep loving this deep when you are,
Not fully satiated.

I can no longer suffocate my desires,
I must honour my needs and follow what excites me,
Feel comfortable chasing and getting exactly what I want…

Growth is painful right now,
Being alone feels painful right now…
Because love and belonging felt blissful…

I a m i n a l o w.
Sitting in the disappointment that this wasn’t it,
I cry, weep and hug my pillow,
Slowly acknowledging all that it was and all it wasn’t,
I know I’ll f e e l b e t t e r a t some p o i n t.
Just this p o i n t feels like lying in my own emotional puke,
With nowhere to go.