i miss

i miss having a lap,
a place to lay my head when it gets heavy,
to pet the hair out of my face,
someone to relay the message that I am doing alright,
i miss believing I’ll be alright.

a person to unpack the weight of my day,
to massage my shoulders - my feet,
to care for me when i’m caring for her,
i love her and i love when someone loves me,
i miss when someone loved me.

i don’t always have energy for myself,
i collapse in bed beside her,
fall asleep before her,
know that i’ll wake up better,
but not my best, i miss my best.

it’s hard to self-soothe,
without touch,
there aren’t enough hugs in the world,
to bring back the me i miss,
it’s time i mourn her.