Growing Pains
Have you experienced growing pains?
Not physical growing pains like we had as toddlers, nor the emotional pains of heartbreak. But I am talking about spiritual growing pains…
Spiritual growing pains are like truly feeling the complexity of what it means to be human. Fully soaking in the multifaceted feelings that come with being alive. Like truly being grateful for everyone and everything in your life only to suddenly fear losing it all. Consciously opening your heart to love, getting rejected but trying again anyway. Nothing going as planned but not giving up regardless.
Ultimately it’s learning to trust what feels right vs what’s rational. And realizing that what I feel or want doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but me.
I’m tired of feeling like I need to make sense. Tirelessly rationalizing the complexities of my emotions left me in a heartbreaking fog of confusion. But in that weird place I was able to subconsciously sort out all my baggage & decide what to leave behind.
This time I left behind my guard, my walls, my shell.
I grieved it, mourned it and cried for all the rawness I felt without it. It’s like new emotional receptors were born. I felt soft, vulnerable, open and in awe with my own humanity…it’s the most beautiful tears I’ve ever cried. Crying because I truly felt like a vulnerable little baby who needs gentle care and attention. It’s unlike any growing pain I’ve felt before because I feel both strong and soft at the same time.
More recently I am finally feeling more grounded and seeing clear again. It’s been at least a couple weeks, I think I finally made it to the other side. Ready to tackle life from this perspective, with these new receptors, no walls and a mountain of feelings to make peace with.
It takes time…So much more time then I wish it took. I started writing this in July and I’m finishing this 6 months later. It takes time because we don’t just have emotional/spiritual work to do. We’ve got a capitalistic society to tend to. And sadly, sometimes part taking in it actually feels like a much simpler break from all the inner excavation we are doing. What is important I realize is just giving ourselves the time…to be beautifully messy humans✨
